Trapped In A World of Pain

Do you remember as a child, when the world seemed endless, and every stone was full of possibility? And whatever we knew of the world, was only a beginning — a glimpse of endless knowledge that we could only dream of.

What happened to [...]]]>

Trapped In A World of Pain

Do you remember as a child, when the world seemed endless, and every stone was full of possibility?
And whatever we knew of the world, was only a beginning — a glimpse of endless knowledge that we could only dream of.

What happened to that world?
It seems so far away.

Do you feel that some or all of the possibility of youth is gone?
Has your inner world become full of pain?
Has it grown small, hard, and closed?

Do you feel at the mercy of a hundred little forces that move you to act in ways that you’re not proud of?

You’re not alone.

Injury and Healing
When an area of the body is injured, it often swells to contain that damage, and accelerate healing. That swelling is a temporary protection.

If an area of skin is irritated, again and again, it can’t heal. Instead, the body builds up thick skin, a callus, in that place. The callus is stronger than regular skin, but much less sensitive. The body gives up the sensitivity, in exchange for strength.

Something similar happens with our emotions.
We suffer emotional injury.
But sadly, we’re not very good at healing emotional pain.
Many of our emotional injuries remain open wounds.

We continue to encounter situations, people, and challenges that strike at our emotional injuries, and revive or increase the pain.

Often the strongest pain comes when we face our own failures, contradictions, hypocrisy, and lies.

Unable to heal our pain, we try to hide from it.

We hide from the things that expose, and deepen our pain.
And from situations that remind us of parts of ourselves that we would like to forget.

We develop a network of mental and emotional habits which form an armor or thick skin to protect an ever-growing collection of sensitive spots.

We become harder, colder, and less sensitive.
We become less thoughtful about who we are, what is possible for us, and how we are ignoring that possibility.

As we stagger under the weight of our emotional pain, it seems sensible to build up armor against the world’s dangers, and against pain. Through the cloud of our pain, the world’s extraordinary possibility seems distant. We are ready to abandon that possibility to escape our pain.

But our armor fails us, falls away, and our sensitive spots are exposed.
We are haunted, by our contradictions and lies, and the extraordinary possibility within us.

The thicker the armor, the more we hurt when the weak spot is irritated. It feels to us like someone stuck a needle in an infected wound.

Is it any surprise, as we strike out to protect ourselves, that our emotional reactions are wild, negative, and cruel?

Beyond Pain and Comfort

As a machine is used, it inevitably collects dirt and grime.
As we grow old, arteries get clogged, and organs weaken.

And as we age, we collect limiting and destructive habits and beliefs and fears.

Someday science will learn to clean and rejuvenate our bodies. Until then, physical decay is inevitable.

But even today, the common personal decay within us that crushes possibility is not inevitable.
This decay of the spirit can be stopped, and even reversed.

But, not through hiding from the pain, and pretending that it doesn’t exist.

When we feel emotional pain, we often seek comfort.
Sometimes that comfort is the comfort of sleep — erasing every pain, and every challenge.

At other times, we are prepared to live with our pain.
But we look for another sort of comfort. We want to find meaning in that pain, or at least meaning somewhere else in our lives.

We look for meaning through relationships, children, success, community, religion, spirituality, etc.

I have to find something outside of me that seems more important than I am.
I need to find a big something that I can call myself a part of.
If I can find that meaning, then all of the pain might be worth it.

Forever Young

The search for meaning is a wonderful quest.

But is there meaning only outside me?
Where is the meaning within me?

I believe that our greatest opportunity to live a meaningful life is born when we choose possibility over pain.

The love of possibility overpowers the escape from pain.
This is the road to personal development.

Can we love the truth again?
Can we find the courage to accept what we have done with our lives so far?

Can we release an inexhaustible thirst to see where we are, and accept our pain?

When we find that thirst, the little habits of mind and heart that bind us, lose most of their power.

Opening our eyes means that we will be confronted with our personal history.
At first this is troubling, as the pain of our history seems to overshadow everything else.

We need to see clearly where we have been, so we can see where we are.

And seeing our history clearly is only a small part of what we want from clear vision.

I want to look to a place that now seems far away, at the edge of a strange world.
I want to look for the full measure of who I can be.

It may have been a long time since I was willing to see the endless possibility that lies deep within me.

My eyes may have grown weak from living in a place far away from light.
The endless light may seem blinding and frightening.

Whatever I think I am, is only a shadow of what I can be.

My inner self may seem old and weak.
But deep within me, my light and my possibility, and my ability to become someone great is forever young.

That possibility will not be denied forever.

More than you can stand.

Do you think that you’re emotionally healthy? Do you have moments where you strike out at others verbally or physically? It’s amazing how we’ve all been hypnotized into believing that attacking others verbally is perfectly normal and healthy.

Some of us believe that we’re doing [...]]]> More than you can stand.

Do you think that you’re emotionally healthy?
Do you have moments where you strike out at others verbally or physically?
It’s amazing how we’ve all been hypnotized into believing that attacking others verbally is perfectly normal and healthy.

Some of us believe that we’re doing just fine, and those unpleasant moments don’t really matter.

The truth is that we all have moments when the weight of our lives threatens to crush us.
We may not think about it that way. But in a moment, something within us says, enough, and anger or bitterness comes roaring out of us.

It may be a single overwhelming moment, or a combination of dozens or hundreds of moments, reaching back through the years.

There’s no absolute standard of what’s unbearable.
Failure, criticism, and embarrassment commonly cause us pain.
Two people may encounter the same words or the same criticism, yet they experience the intensity of the pain differently. One may not even feel pain at all.

Some people bear the most difficult circumstances and people with calm, nearly untouched by events that would destroy others.
And then, there are people who find ordinary activities emotionally painful, and almost impossible to live with.

The question is, which experiences cause you pain?

And when does the pain of one experience, or the collective pain of events take you to the point where you have to do something to release that pain?

And even when released, does the pain go away?
Or does it just slide under the surface, waiting for only a drop of new pain to make it burst forth.

How Do You Try to Release Your Pain?

When the inner pain is too much, do you strike out at the most convenient target?
Or does pain leak out from you most of the time, in the guise of a bitterness that covers everything?

When we attack others, verbally or physically, it is because we are in pain.
But did that person cause the pain, or was she just in the wrong place at the wrong time?

And if people vary widely in their sensitivity to pain, what does it mean to cause pain?
Who is responsible for the pain? Is it the one who is unusually sensitive, and easily hurt? Or, is it the one who knew that the other person was sensitive, and still spoke in an ordinary way that causes her pain?

In a world where each person seeks to perfect herself, I look for what I can do without trying to change anyone else.

Inner growth is tied to my sense of responsibility, and what I can accomplish without blaming others. If I know what causes pain to others, and I can readily avoid being a source of pain, it’s up to me to act in the appropriate way.

And then, as someone who suffers pain, it’s up to me to be responsible for my own pain.
There is no law, no cosmic force that requires me to give over my personal power to anyone. I do not have to hand a weapon to someone and say, “Here. I give you the power to hurt me.”

I do not have to feel lasting pain, and be injured from the emotional attacks of others. The intensity of the pain is affected by the way I think about it.

And the pain can come like the stab of a thorn, and disappear, if I learn to let it go.
But we hold onto our pain like a treasure. We won’t let it go, and it circles within us, like a wound that won’t heal, drifting into and out of our awareness.

The lasting effects of those moments of pain are something that we can work on. We can learn to release that pain so it causes little injury, and then disappears completely.

Where Does the Pain Go?
What can I do to let go of all the pain within me?

Here’s the hard part.
If you have mental health issues, it’s unlikely you can face it on your own. You need help in choosing and applying the appropriate therapy.

For the rest of us, you may often need the experience and relative objectivity that a therapist provides.

When you look for a therapeutic modality, realize that there are methods that want to help you quickly release your pain, and don’t require you to swim in it.

There are many therapies that are useful here. Some like cognitive therapy help you change the way you think in the presence of pain.

Along with other methods, NLP, the Sedona Method, and the energy therapies like EFT and EmoTrance can help you change the way you relate to old pain and trauma.

What will your life be like when you finally release that old pain, so it is not awakened again and again, by everyday struggles?

These therapies can also help you change the way you relate to new situations.

You might think that we’re suggesting a solution that requires you to become cold like a stone, unfeeling and insensitive. The goal is not to eliminate your emotions, but to let them come and go, without getting stuck in endless circles of pain and attacks.

It feels sometimes like our emotions seem to get frozen within us, as though a powerful river had been dammed up, unable to flow to the sea, and it seeks temporary explosive release wherever it can find it.

The energy therapies, EmoTrance in particular, can help you learn to relate to your emotions in a whole new way – as energy, which flows, and then, is completely released.

There’s a single affirmation, repeated 5 or 6 times. In between each repetition is some poetic language which carries me into my unconscious and helps me plant the affirmation on fertile ground.)

I am an endless river of [...]]]> (Here’s the first of a new type of post for me. I call them affirmation poems.

There’s a single affirmation, repeated 5 or 6 times. In between each repetition is some poetic language which carries me into my unconscious and helps me plant the affirmation on fertile ground.)

I am an endless river of living fire.

Not straight or bent,
long or short.

Before I found a shape,
became a man,
I was a river,
swimming upon
a sea of energy.

Shape is temporary,
and weak.

Shape seeks and seems,
to bind and turn,
and stop and hide,
all fire, all life.

Life remembers,
awakens,
and runs.
The barriers vanish
like dust.

I am an endless river of living fire.

We count,
ten or a thousand,
weights, chains, doors, and locks.

Each one calls for endless learning,
and trying.
Now open,
now closed.

We try,
and turn our eyes,
to find ourselves
until we see,
there are no eyes, only energy,
running, falling, bursting,
here and high.

I am an endless river of living fire.

I have a name,
not a hard name of possibilities lost,
but a fiery name that opens, accelerates,and transforms
everything in its past,
and everything in its path.

I am an endless river of living fire.

The river moves too fast to follow.
Be the river.
Dream and dance and run away with life.

The energy flows,
without fear, without sadness, without regret.

I thought I was a drop, a cup,
just water to feed the thirsty.
But I am a traveler,
swimming in energy,
flying through time.

I am an endless river of living fire.